sobota: (tardis alone + dr who)
ms new booty ([personal profile] sobota) wrote2013-03-25 09:13 pm
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giving up



when i was in secondary school i was 14 stone (200 lbs/90 kg) over the course of university, i actually lost quite a bit of weight, and made it to 9 stone (132 lbs/60 kg). i've since crept back up to 11 stone (164 lbs/74 kg) and i want to kill myself.

i can't lose a single ounce or any centimetres around my waist/hips/thighs/anywhere, no matter what i do. i count every calorie, i work out five to six days a week (cardio AND weights), and i'm just generally an active person.

nothing i do works. there could be something wrong with me, but i have no health insurance so i can't visit a specialist and i can't get help. i have to do this by myself, but nothing works so i just...

i hate being fat. i hate looking at myself in the mirror, i hate how my clothes fit. i literally hate everything about me, let alone the fact that i'm just an ugly girl to begin with.

when i was in france, i ate less than 500 calories and worked out/walked at least six hours a day, four days a week. that's how i got from 11 stone to 9 stone the last time. i guess that's all that works, being completely anorexic. it's also the last time i was happy with my body, and with myself.

i'm sorry that i can't do the 'fat acceptance' thing. fat, for me, is failure. i'm a failure. i will always be a failure.

i'm especially worried about this because since i fall into the category of 'obese' by standards still used by all doctors, i may not be accepted into my dream job. so you know, being fat for me is actually a failure.



i should just resign myself to failing. i've never actually succeeded anyway.
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[identity profile] sobota.livejournal.com 2013-03-27 02:38 am (UTC)(link)
i'm 1.65m (5'5") and I've been working out/calorie counting for 18 weeks. I think, over four months, I should have lost some weight?

[identity profile] lurker-of-note.livejournal.com 2013-03-27 08:33 pm (UTC)(link)
I suspect that you may have a thyroid problem and if that's the case, you can't hold yourself accountable so you aren't a failure *nods*

By the way, I'm also trying to count calories. I'm shorter and heavier than you; what's your daily calorie limit? Mine is currently 1100.
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