you are the big rocket launcher

Here are the top five questions I am constantly asked by students or new people or just, in general.

Where are you from?
- I was born in Texas. I've lived all over the world.

What ARE you?
- My mum is German and my father is Black American. Hence me.

How many tattoos do you have?
- I've got nine. I want more.

How many languages do you speak?
- Seven, four fluently. I want to speak 12 fluently.

Are you married/do you have kids?
These come back to back, so I'm counting them as one. No and no.

There are plenty more, but those are the ones that I get the most.

I don't think it's much of a secret that I'm terribly unhappy 99% of my life. I think it's because I've never really found a 'home'. By that I mean I've never found a place where I am very, very comfortable.

Well, that's exaggerating. London and Lyon, in England and France respectively, are two places where I can see myself living and creating what I think of as home. Now, I am not sure what that will look like, because I'm not there, but...it's all I can think about. My ever spare daydreaming moment is me in one of those cities, and I will be unhappy until I get there.

My life is in shambles about me, but at least I have this day and most all of next week to sit back and take stock. Mostly I am taking stock of failures, because I have no victories. I have a life full of failures and mistakes and nothing to show for it. I'm not even being maudlin. I am un-married, childless, mostly friendless (with a few exceptions) and, after the 5th of June, without a real job. I am in a city I hate, and have always hated, with no real chance of escape.

I am not sure what more to say. I am sorry for this. I wish I had better news.

1. What did you do in 2014 that you'd never done before?
- participated in LJ Idol
- moved into my own apartment
- held a job for a second consecutive year

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions, but I stil have my 101 in 1001 days.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My very best friend Stacie had a baby boy!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My father's mother died, leaving me with no grandparents. :(

5. What countries did you visit?
I stayed in the US, sadly.

6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?
I'm not sure. I'm generally content. I'd like more money, obviously.

7. What date from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My visit to Boston with my church in July. The day I moved out of my old place.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Moving into my own place.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I'm not sure...I'm not a very successfuly person so my whole life is kinda a failure...

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had a really rough cold, but otherwise nothing serious.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Nothing much; my flat is a rented thing. I didn't get any new technology or anything...

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mother, as always. She's an amazing woman.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Nobody in my life; police in general.

14. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I'm not really a person to hate.

15. Where did most of your money go?
My flat, and all the bills and things that comes with living on your own.

16. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Travelling with my church! My new flat! Cleveland during spring break.

17. What song will always remind you of 2014?
I don't listen to a lot of music, so I don't have a theme song this year. But I really enjoyed 'Stay with Me' by Sam Smith and 'Pompeii' by Bastille.

18. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? I'm just not a very happy person, ever.
ii. thinner or fatter? A gross disgusting fat troll as always.
iii. richer or poorer? I'm broke all the time, but I have a lot more money than I ever have, I guess.

19. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Travel, exercise...had a better life.

20. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Wasting my time with people.

21. How did you spend Christmas?
With mum.

22. Did you fall in love in 2014?
No.

23. Did your heart break in 2014?
No.

24. How many one-night stands?
One.

25. What was your favourite TV program?
Breaking Bad, Parks & Rec, Peaky Blinders, Game of Thrones...

26. Where were you when 2014 began?
With my mother.

27. Who were you with?
My mother.

28. Where will you be when 2014 ends?
At my mother's house.

29. Who will you be with when 2015 starts?
My mother.

30. What was the best book you read?
Lord I actually read a lot of books this year. Le Carre is amazing, but I read a few PD James books, and they were quite good...

31. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Bastille, Lorde, etc.

32. What did you want and get?
My own flat.

33. What did you want and not get?
A life.

34. What was your favorite film of this year?
Uhm...

35. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I'll be turning 29. I'll go out to eat dinner with my mother.

36. How many different states did you travel to in 2014?
Four: South Carolina (when I lived in Georgia); Ohio (for Spring Break); California (for summer hols); Massachusetts (with my church)

37. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?
Femme. Dark colours to hide my fatness.

38. What kept you sane?
Church.

39. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Misha Collins, as always. Idris Elba? He's always a favourite.

40. Whom did you miss?
Nobody.

41. How many concerts did you see in 2014?
None.

42. Who were the best new people you met?
New church people; some gamer friends; nanowrimo people!

43. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014:
If changing location doesn't make you happy, may you're the problem.

44. What are your plans for 2015?
Begin my MA in French. Lose weight. Try to be happy. Travel more.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
Worked in a call centre? Became a spanish teacher?

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions, but I am starting the 101 things in 1001 days on 1 Jan 2013.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A coworker and the daughter of my mum's best friend.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Unfortunately, yes.

5. What countries did you visit?
The UK.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Some semblance of happiness. At all. With anything.

7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
5 June 2012, for so many reasons.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Winning national novel writing month.

9. What was your biggest failure?
The whole rest of the year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Anything bad?
I caught pneumonia in November.

( and the rest )

start: 1 January 2014
end: 28 September 2016

( health and beauty )

( personal improvement )

( creativity/entertainment )

( online/technology )

( life skills )

( social skills )

( travel )

( purchases )

( misc )

note: goal not accomplished if less than 70% of the goal was finished, or a singular goal was not accomplished.