Nobody had ever asked her why she was so unhappy, and she didn't think she could articulate it even if someone did ask. All she knew is that her brain was too old for her body and her body too young to handle her brain.

She clutched at the broken watch, fingers trembling on her gun. There was her father, stood with hands loose at his side. She could hear her mother, or perhaps it was the woman who just looked like her mother would look without all the time and space hopping.

She could hear them, and the wild screaming of the panicked patrons of the club. She could see a man waving his arms. She didn't much like that man, but her father did.

She had killed a man once before, and all that was left was a broken watch, her father looking at her as if she were a curiosity, and this: the sound of screams, the bright flashing green lights of lasers tearing up the city around them, and soon enough, the club, and her heart, beating loudly in her ears.

She held the gun up, training it on each person in turn: father, mother, her mother's opposite, and her father's best friend.

Who would she miss, who would cry if she were dead?

She flung down the watch, finger tightening on the trigger.

And then the world exploded, and it didn't matter so much any more, did it?
Tags:

From: [identity profile] theun4givables.livejournal.com


Poor girl. You can just sense she's so troubled and that maybe, if someone had reached out, everything would have ended at least a little better. <3

From: [identity profile] penpusher.livejournal.com


Fascinating and tantalizing account. The vivid description only makes the obscurity of the outcome that much more heightened.

From: [identity profile] mistearyusdiva2.livejournal.com


Only if she had someone to reach out to ..... but then reality is more in this direction than the fantasy of someone understanding you after all.

The emotions have come out really well .... Well done even if its sad ..
ext_12410: (lemon on a windowsill (by buhfly))

From: [identity profile] tsuki-no-bara.livejournal.com


if you read this straight, it could almost be sci-fi (time-traveling mom!), and at the same time it can be read as the final breakdown of a very disturbed girl. (i'm guessing it's the second, but i kind of want to see it as science fiction too.) very spare and tense, in either case, and well-done.

From: [identity profile] bleodswean.livejournal.com


I really enjoy how tantalizingly obscure this can be read! So many interpretations possible. Nice!

From: [identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com


I read this as someone suffering from mental illness, but as is generally the case with paranoia and psychosis... unable to tell that her own mind was doing this to her. It's one of the most insidious things about both conditions-- they obscure themselves from the victim.

Vivid background (I love the broken watch), and such a strong sense of tension and fear-- not only the narrator's, but everyone else trapped in that on-the-brink moment.

From: [identity profile] eternal-ot.livejournal.com


Oh God! if only time would freeze and somebody could reach...you conveyed a lot in those few words...Kudos!

From: [identity profile] i-17bingo.livejournal.com


I read this three times, trying to determine if this is literal or a delusion--I've known someone with such severe schizophrenia that this kind of fantasy world is a possibility.

And then I remembered that this is about someone who shoots herself in the head because she is overwhelmed by what she is dealing with, truth or not, and realized that's the important part of the story.

From: [identity profile] kajel.livejournal.com


You packed so much in so little words. Nicely done.
.